I wrote this after rewatching Naruto Shippuden. Seems like it might have rubbed me the wrong way LOL.
I just want to preface this rant by saying that I understand that genetics are not something that you can be mad at. But I am. Because even though they are more rightfully attributed to the people who gave them to you, those people themselves are simply a product of the ones who came before them, all the way back until the beginning of time. Therefore it is just and correct to simply shake one's fist at the universe and/or god for these factors which may at first seem out of the control of any one entity.
I hate genetics. It's not like genetics did anything to me in particular, and it's not like genetics can intentionally do bad things. It's just that genetics are too often disgustingly cruel. I have many examples. For one: Height. Height is mainly determined by DNA, and height plays an annoyingly large role in your life. Like if you're too short you’ll never get to ride roller coasters as a kid, and if you're too tall then you’ll always feel uncomfortable and out of place in a crowd. You can replace height with any manner of things, from diseases to ethnicity to blood type. Your genetics can bequeath unto you worlds of pain and suffering, and you have zero ability to negate that. The powers that be just decided that you will have that. And why? Why does the universe get to decide that someone deserves this agonizing experience, while someone else gets perfect genetics? You might counter these complaints by saying “oh, the truly strong don't let the circumstances they’ve been put into affect their worldview. Real people will just accept it and not let it get to them.” And you know what I say to that? Fuck that. That's so stupid. There really is no difference between “the truly strong” and “the truly weak”. Because you know what? One got good genes and one got horrible genes. The weak one got bad genes, by the way. They still ended up coping. Crazy, right? So all's well that ends well, then? No. Because it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Everyone could have gotten good genes. But everyone doesn't.
I'm now going to rant about Naruto, which will ultimately expose me as a totally satirical writer who doesn't actually give a shit about genetics and just wants to rant about how certain characters in a show got fucked over by their genes, and others get unfairly pampered by them. In naruto there's something called “bloodline limits”, which are basically special abilities or traits that are only obtainable by getting it passed down hereditarily. These abilities can be ridiculously powerful, as I'm about to explain. Let me start with the Uchiha clan. They possess something called the “Sharingan”, which is a special eye that can predict attacks, trap people in hallucinations, and copy enemy techniques. This on its own is incredibly powerful, but as if that wasn't enough There is also something called the “mangekyou sharingan”, which is another type that can only be attained by having the normal sharingan and then experiencing some indescribable heart wrenching trauma, like having your best friend die in front of you. This mangekyou sharingan can summon something called “sussano” which is basically a giant wee wee woo wa purple power mech that can fly and shoot black inextinguishable flames. It also has a sword. Now what about this makes me mad? The fact that the people who have it haven't done anything to get it, like Sasuke. He has this ability, but without it he would be total shit. Kakashi, Sasuke's former teacher, was gifted sharingan by Uchiha Obito, and he was instantly able to use sussano, and was as powerful as naruto or sasuke. He then subsequently lost the sharingan and was returned to sad human power levels. See how enraging that is? And you might say, “oh but naruto would also be shit without Kurama…” and guess what?? YOUR WRONG. Naruto knows sage jutsu, which already puts him into another league above regular people without even touching tailed beast chakra. (just realized this is starting to sound really cringe but whatever) He's incredibly strong on his own. If sasuke didn't have Mangekyou sharingan he would be nothing. So basically we should finish what itachi started and ethnically cleanse the Uchiha. Jkjkj, but seriously its enraging that kakashi gets so little credit. If he had gotten a little bit luckier, he would have been able to easily surpass sasuke. But he didn't get luckier. Bruh. And to further my claims, sasuke, who was considered a genius prodigy when he was a kid, became so jealous of Naruto's abilities that he literally made a deal with the devil to attain more power. He was jealous of NARUTOS POWER, mind you not kuramas, and naruto is considered a total klutz dumbass who sucks at life. So there you have it. 90% of Uchihas can go die in a hole because they wouldn't be shit without their precious eyes.
Update on 5/13/25: I just read this absolute masterpiece of an essay and wow, reading it made me feel good. I was absolutely onto something here
Update on 12/30/25: just re-read this essay and… well I don’t know. Pretty entertaining read but uh… well whatever, it’s fine