Sometimes I get hit with an incredibly peaceful feeling. It's difficult to describe, but it feels like having nostalgia for the time you're currently in (My apologies to people who decry constant invokation of nostalgia). Everything gains an intentful, meaningful edge. It makes me feel really alive, for some reason. Man this sounds so dumb, but it's a real thing I'm experiencing right now. Is this the fabled 'happiness'? Who could tell. I only seem to ever feel this way after having been isolated for a while in the wee evening hours, or rather morning hours, and in the light of some dim halogen lamp. So maybe it's a product of atmosphere. That would make a lot of sense - what I'm experiencing, then, is the result of the stripping away of all the stresses that would normally be close at hand. Not having had to deal with another person for a few hours, my brain may finally be capable of unclenching its metaphorical cheeks. Maybe I'm even (subconsciously) unclenching my actual cheeks. Regardless of the underlying mechanics, whatever this state of mind is, it sure does make me feel good inside.

I'm pretty sure I woke up at 1:47 PM today. That's pretty bad. The last time I wrote here, I mentioned that I'd stop trying to force myself out of bed or something. Case in point, I seem to have unconsciously decided to stay true to that decision (even if I wasn't then serious about it. RIP my sleep schedule).

Been agonizing about rearranging all the fixtures of my room. Mainly because I don't like the placement of my desk - I want it to be in a corner, and not in front of a window like it is now (in addition to being in the middle of the wall and not at its end). As much as I would love to see my beige wall behind my monitor, and not a curtain, there are just so many fucking problems that arise with that layout. First is the outlet placement - I would have to run a power strip/surge protector and it would clutter up my cable-free happy place, which would be unacceptable. It could become acceptable with some form of conduit or other machination to keep it tidy. In its current location, I have literally perfect outlet access - the outlet sits directly behind my PC on the floor, meaning I see absolutely nothing. No cables in sight, ever. If I went through with moving my desk, I'd also have to move the little 3x3 organizer thing (I have no idea what to call this piece of furniture) that currently occupies that space. I've actually attempted this rearrangement already, but never stayed with it because it just felt so uncomfortably unfamiliar and awkward. Maybe if I just actually stayed with it for a while, I would like it. AHHHGHGG I am eternally tortured by this shit. I'm unhappy with my current layout and seemingly even less happy with the alternatives. That would mean that I've found the best possible arrangement and that I should just be happy with it, but while it may be the 'best available', it still bothers me to no end. I want my setup to be in the corner of my room, Goddammit! I swear I'll find something to fix this. Actually, I think I'll just drag everything around after I finish writing this. I can almost guaruntee I won't keep them in their new locations for long, but I can't stop myself from trying again. The ick I have with my desk all vulnerable in the middle of the room, and not cozy in a corner, just builds up over the months till I can't hold back anymore and have to be reminded why I didn't fix this years ago. Welp, can't stop the inevitable.

I really want a bookshelf in my room, that would be nice. That, or a tall filing cabinet that happens to be that same width as my desk, so that I could use it as a desk-end and block off the view of under my desk. Not because it looks bad under there, in fact it's in the top .01% of clean desks (by my estimation), but rather because it would feel eVEeN MoRe CoZy. I hate how open my setup is. It needs to feel a little closed in.

Pretty soon, I'll be on a plane for the first time in a long time. Looking forward to it, somewhat. I'm sure I'll have lots to say about it once the whole trip is over, but for now I'm going to hold back on elaborating much. The last time I took a flight, which was also the first time, I couldn't have been older than 10, but I feel like I remember it all pretty well. In the airport, we took a shuttle and a little airport subway, which was fucking amazing to me. A random woman complimented the length of my eyelashes, which may have started the superiority complex I currently have about them. My dad was lugging around a car-seat for my sister to sit in, which looking back on it now, I have no idea why that would be necessary. Maybe I'm misremembering what that was there for. On the actual flight, which was barely three hours, I sat next to a guy who told me about his son, who was a helicopter pilot. That was interesting. That whole trip carries a really unique, interesting vibe in my head. Impossible to accurately describe, but if I'm ever reading this in the future, I'll know what I mean(t). Hopefully this upcoming trip doesn't ruin, or contaminate, the mental aesthetic I've been cultivating in regards to flying for the past [years]. I just randomly remembered another thing: On that trip, I had a nightmare, and kicked the fuck out of a lamp in my grandparents apartment. Rest in peace to that lamp. I wish I remembered what the nightmare was about.

Insulated water bottles are amazing, I have been missing out. Ever since I hooked my fridge up to water, and therefore have had a ready supply of ice 24/7, I've been consuming ice water late at night, at unprecedented levels. It's very possible that I have never been more thoroughly hydrated than at this point in my life. It's great, but I was drinking out of a Klean Kanteen stainless steel bottle that had a narrow neck which was hard to fill, and also would get covered in condensation instantly and soak my desk. I resorted to tissue coasters, until today - when I bought a random, generic, 34 ounce insulated water bottle. I hate to wax lachrymose about having water to drink, but picking up a wet, freezing cold bottle is not enjoyable. The insulated bottle has changed my perspective on what's possible in the realm of liquid consumption. The freezing cold surface, and with it the condensation, are nowhere to be found. Praise the lord. Being able to have ice in my bottle without it making a sopping mess is just amazing. I probably sound like a fucking caveman, writing this, but I'm genuinely so happy about this development.

I'm not really sure what this writing format is. I spend a paragraph ranting about some random thing that has been on my mind, and then promptly move on to some other, entirely unrelated topic, which I again only waste a few sentences on before moving on. I don't think I like this - I'd prefer if I could write more at length about each specific thing, or have each blog post be less general in nature. The problem is that I'm entirely devoid of creativity and couldn't write more than three paragraphs about the average day in my life without resorting to random topics like this. On top of the lack of subject matter, my prose is boring and generic. This encapsulates my biggest annoyances in life - I'd love to write all the time, but I have nothing of significance to write about, and when I do come up with something I think is worth writing about, the product reads like an ostentatious waste of time. Hopefully I will be able to improve on my shitty abilities, till I'm able to write chapter after chapter of elaborate sitreps on my life, that actually flows instead of jarringly hopping from one disparate thought to another.